|
|
Post by Niccy on Feb 19, 2014 4:28:30 GMT -5
My girl is so lazy…. I end up doing all the housework, all the washing, all the gardening… most of the food shopping.. and trying to organise saving for a house etc.
She always says she's tired or runs out of time to do things… she just doesn't participate in helping.
It is really begining to get on my nerves and cause a problem. I know if i don't step up and say something i could end up in a dark place and either resenting her or disliking her which I don't want to do.
How do I bring up the conversation to her, without sounding like I am just complaining about doing housework??
Am i just overreacting and should just deal with it?
I hate confrontation, but I feel if I bottle this up it could be bad!! theres more to it, but that will do for now lol! thanks in advance
|
|
|
|
Post by singletunepoet on Feb 19, 2014 6:37:05 GMT -5
Show her your post here!  I was just seriously considering this. I thought to myself that your post shows that you don´t blame her for anything and don´t want her to feel bad but that it´s really starting to weigh you down and you need some support regarding household chores. But you could always just tell her that. (Since I don´t know whether she´d be cool with seeing that you posted about it here.) Tell her that you gladly take over most of the chorses because you know she doesn´t always have the time but that there´s only so much you can do and that you need support. I guess it´d even help that to tell her that it´s not just a question of time but also that she´d really help by just showing that she is there to lend a helping hand. Make sure you give her the feeling that if she does step in more she doesn´t just do work but that she´s essential to making this a happy relationship. Make her feel needed and appreciated. |
|
|
|
Post by Niccy on Feb 19, 2014 6:50:21 GMT -5
I don't always have the time either, I know how she feels. We both work shift work so I know how tiring life can be at home. But I grin and bear it!!!
I need to talk to her, I guess I'm scared about talking to her about problems... I shouldn't b
|
|
|
|
Post by singletunepoet on Feb 19, 2014 9:31:50 GMT -5
All I know is that if you don´t talk about problems with her and bottle everything up this won´t end well. If there´s anything I´ve learned from live so far then it´s that people need to TALK to each other.
So what do you have to lose? You talk to her and there MIGHT be a bit of a bad mood, maybe even an argument? You don´t talk to her and one day you´ll either explode due to the things you´ve bottled up or the two of you will slowly grow appart.
I really believe that the way you talk to her will make the difference. Like I said, make sure she feels needed. She needs to see that she is going to benefit from helping out. Maybe even make her feel like the hero who´s saving the day by doing the dishes. And be patient and kind and don´t give up if one conversation isn´t going to work right away.
|
|
|
|
Post by Niccy on Feb 19, 2014 16:41:06 GMT -5
Bad mood... Hmm she is often grumpy so that won't b different lol  I will see how I go thanks |
|
|
|
Post by Niccy on Feb 20, 2014 2:02:05 GMT -5
So spoke up.... Now not talking...
|
|
|
|
Post by singletunepoet on Feb 20, 2014 3:25:45 GMT -5
Did she say anything at all about it?
|
|
|
|
Post by Niccy on Feb 20, 2014 18:25:17 GMT -5
She disagrees with what I'm feeling. So lots of tears and being upset.
|
|
|
|
Post by singletunepoet on Feb 21, 2014 4:33:24 GMT -5
She disagrees with what you´re feeling?! How can someone...I mean, only you can know what you´re feeling and...I´m kind of speechless right now. Sorry, I really don´t want to upset you or sound mean! It´s just hard for me to understand that there are people who´d get upset because they are asked to help out. Especially in a relationship. You should always work together as a team and support each other. I´m really sorry that this seems to be so difficult and I hope you´ve got enough patience and energy to get through this and work it out!
It´s hard to have to do chores at the end of a long work day or in the middle of studying and having to socialize etc. etc. It´s no fun and exhausting but being responisble person you just do them, don´t you?
I hope you can work it out! Life´s difficult enough, there are worse things in the world than arguing about chores. Go out and embrace the world! :-) It´s fun!
|
|
|
|
Post by Niccy on Feb 21, 2014 6:43:24 GMT -5
Thanks Everything will be ok, we have been talking about it more today. Things will be worked out, they have to be! I know communication is the key, I started talking and haven't stopped, I made her listen to me, and get my point across and we spoke about how to rectify the things going on. She understands where I'm coming from now.  thanks for your advice though, appreciate you taking the time to read and reply. |
|
|
|
Post by singletunepoet on Feb 21, 2014 9:39:38 GMT -5
That sounds great! :-)
|
|
I was just seriously considering this. I thought to myself that your post shows that you don´t blame her for anything and don´t want her to feel bad but that it´s really starting to weigh you down and you need some support regarding household chores. But you could always just tell her that. (Since I don´t know whether she´d be cool with seeing that you posted about it here.) 
thanks for your advice though, appreciate you taking the time to read and reply.